As promised, here is the rest of the story on the birth of Samuel. It's taken me a little longer to get started. As you can imagine, with a newborn and three older kids, free time has been pretty non-existent.
The details are a bit of a blur. The decision to be induced was made only the week before but had been mentioned at my 38 week appointment. There was concern that he would be a big baby and although logically I knew that I didn't need to be induced right away just because he might be big, there was the whole mental/emotional state I was in and I was so ready to just be done. So although I did not want to be induced, I guess you could say I just gave up at the time. I also felt more comfortable about it since I've had successful inductions before and it was only a couple of days before my technical due date.
It was Monday, November 26. The kids ended up with a snow day. I was scheduled to report to the hospital at 5:00 pm. I was planning to sneak in one last date while the kids were in school but then they ended up staying home. It was still a very nice and relaxing day. We took them out for breakfast and got things ready around the house. Brad took them sledding. We had a great day and they were so excited to get to sleep over at their friend's house. At 5:00 we arrived at the hospital. They were very quick to get the process going. This time I was induced with a medicine called Cytotec. This was different than my previous ones which were induced using Cervidil. I was given an IV for fluids and also an antibiotic since I tested positive for GBS. Around 6:30 or so I was given my first round of Cytotec out of a potential of three. I had been texting my friend, Anne who had offered to come as another support person for the birth. I invited her to come but said no pressure since I had no idea how this would go and she has a family of her own to take care of, but she decided to come. I think she arrived around 9 or so. Before that, Brad and I just watched TV and he graded some papers. Christmas movies were being played on one of the channels and I found that totally relaxing. I think I had maybe been having some irregular and unnoticeable contractions during that time but all about the same as before I even went into the hospital that night. Sometime around 10:00 pm they came to offer me the second dose of the Cytotec. I was only dilated to about 1-1 1/2 at that point but that's what I had been at for about a week anyway so I felt like this was going to be a much longer process. I had some fears thinking about this process going long or not working. Plus, every time they first administered the drug the babies heart rate would slow and they would start making me move different ways or put oxygen on my face. I was feeling like maybe I had made the wrong choice and was harming my baby.
After an hour of laying there we were back to normal. I was able to sit up. I had been asking if it would be possible for me to get up and move around a bit. They have you hooked up to so many things during an induction they don't really encourage it. It was a pain just getting up to use the bathroom! During this time I had noticed contractions picking up. They still didn't feel consistent to me and I was talking through them without a lot of effort. I would describe them as uncomfortable but not super painful. We finally got the nurse to agree to let me get up and move around the room a bit. They brought in a peanut shaped ball to let me sit on for a while. I'm guessing that was somewhere around midnight or a bit after. Contractions were more uncomfortable and I was talking less but they still felt manageable. I have previously had epidurals with all three births and I had said that I would like to go as long as I could without but in my head, I wasn't ruling out getting one. I didn't feel like I needed one yet and in my head I still had a long way to go. Somewhere around 1:00 am contractions were stronger. I was needing to breathe through them and they were fairly close together. At that point they said they wouldn't give me the third round of Cytotec yet. The nurse said they would wait another hour and see how my contractions were before administering another dose. She asked if I wanted to be checked but I think at that point I declined because I was more uncomfortable and really didn't want to be touched! In my head I still had a long way to go and was trying to hold out for the epidural so I didn't get it too early. By 1:30 I had said I was done with the ball. At that point I decided to stand up for a bit. I was in a lot of pain at that point and was holding onto Brad so I could remain standing. I couldn't decide what would be comfortable but I couldn't imagine sitting back in bed. After standing for a few minutes I felt like I needed to use the bathroom again. I remember making my way to the bathroom and outside the door I could hear the nurse say "well just let me know if she feels any pressure." In that moment it clicked in my head and I called out to say that I was indeed feeling pressure. Not to be too graphic, but I was sitting on the toilet thinking I really needed to pee but couldn't. At that point I remember Brad coming in and all of a sudden everyone trying to usher me back to bed. The nurse told me I did not want to have my baby on the toilet! I still didn't think we were to that point yet but the pain and pressure was super intense. I told them I didn't think I could walk because it was so painful. I basically held onto Brad as everyone tried to drag me along to the bed. The nurse said she wanted to check me. It was getting really intense at this point. I started saying things like "I can't do this" and "I need the epidural now!" I also kept saying "I just need a break!" The contractions felt constant at that point and the pressure was super intense. I still felt like I had to pee and all of my human instincts were telling me not to pee on the bed. As I sat on the bed I had about one brief moment of relief after saying I needed a break. That was kind of cool! Unfortunately it didn't last long. The nurse somewhere in there checked me and said I was at ten....we were ready! My mind was in two places. I couldn't believe we were to this point already because I thought I had so much farther to go. At the same time I could hear myself saying the things like "I can't do this" and realized that saying that could mean it's the end.
Brad and Anne were fabulous helpers. Each of them kept encouraging me all along the way. If they told me to do something I usually tried it because I knew I wanted to keep myself as calm as possible and I knew I needed to focus if this really was the end. Anne is great at anticipating the needs of others. She brought things like a small fan, which I wouldn't have thought of but came in handy! I got really hot all of a sudden. I had to take my socks off because I was so hot and everything was feeling tight. I got extremely thirsty. I kept asking for sips of water while also saying to keep the fan blowing on me! All of these people came rushing into the room and I started to panic. They had the nerve to tell me to try and wait until my doctor got there. In my head I was thinking, "Are you kidding me?" because the pressure was just so intense. All the nurses had a bit of a deer in the headlights look as they backed away. Apparently, no one wanted to catch the baby if he did come out before a doctor arrived. At some point during the chaos, a doctor on call came in to do the "work." (And I now owe him $1300 for his 15 minutes of "work") I think I had my eyes closed the whole time. I was really trying to focus and relax but all I felt was pain and panic. I remember pushing with all three of my other kids but this time I felt like the baby was just coming on his own. At one point the doctor was telling me to stop pushing (again, are you freaking kidding me??) and I finally yelled "I can't!" His response in kind of a jerk tone "well, then you're gonna tear." So fine, I did my best to stop. And then after a moment I think I was able to focus in on one more push and I think that was the point they got him out. During the whole thing I kept telling people I couldn't breathe. I really couldn't. I felt like I was going to die or at least pass out. It was such a relief when he was finally out but it took me a little bit to be able to focus in on what was happening. I felt them put the baby on me and I could only barely open my eyes to see him. It was 2:03 am. After a little bit they took him off of me and I realized they were working on him a little. I thought I heard him make some noise but realized I hadn't actually heard a cry. I kept asking if he was ok and everyone was assuring me he was, he just needed a little help. Before long the pediatrician came over and told me they were taking him to the nursery just to monitor him for a while. Brad went directly with them. I felt like I couldn't move. I began shaking pretty bad and got really cold but they were pumping tons of fluid in me at the time. I felt like it took me a while to recover.
Things I didn't really know until the chaos was over. Apparently it was quite a sight when he came out. My water never broke and my amniotic sac was the first thing to come out. I guess it's pretty rare for babies to be born in the sac, probably because doctors do a lot of breaking the water. It seems like they pretty quickly began to get him out of it so I don't know how long he was in there. Unfortunately it was too chaotic to get any pictures and I was holding my support team hostage the whole time anyway! Brad said it looked like I first gave birth to a bubble and then all of a sudden there was a baby's head in it.
The baby also had the cord wrapped around his neck. When they put him on me they said he wasn't breathing. I totally missed that. They used the big oxygen mask on him for a bit at first and he finally had some labored breathing. At that point they whisked him to the nursery and hooked him up to oxygen and put monitors on him. Brad sent a video of him to me and for the first time I got a real look at my newest son. I was sad to see him all hooked up to everything but I felt relieved that I was already so in love with him.
I think probably an hour had passed since his birth when I looked up and saw the TV was still on. We had only muted it earlier. Playing during his birth was the movie "White Christmas." This actually made me very happy because of my love of Christmas movies and especially that one! The nurses came in and I was able to get cleaned up and have them take me to the nursery. At that point, Anne left (what a friend to have stayed that long!) and Brad was already down in the nursery. I felt relief when I saw him. By then he was very stable and breathing was calm. I could see he was already mouthing and I knew that was a good sign. Since he was all hooked up though they encouraged me to pump since I couldn't nurse right away. Then as we sat a little longer we kept at them that he was looking good and that we wanted to hold him. They finally agreed to some skin to skin contact since he was doing so much better. The second I got him on me he was already looking to nurse! It wasn't too much longer after that all three of us got to go back to our room.
The whole thing is still a blur to me in many ways. It was unlike any birth experience I've had. My other two inductions were pretty quick but not like that. I had always wondered if I would be able to have a birth without the pain relief. I wondered what it would be like. I'm still not entirely sure which one I like better! I have no way of knowing if the birth would have been that intense without the induction. I feel like this one was good over all but still a little traumatic! It was really only 20 to 30 minutes of the crazy intensity or pain and pressure but I felt so out of control during that short time.
Would I do it again? Well, immediately after he was born I announced that I was never doing that again! Now that it's been a few weeks I still don't know if I have that "I'm done" feeling. It doesn't necessarily mean that I want more but I don't know yet where we stand. That probably sounds crazy to most people. The world would tell me I need to be done having children. I'm 37, I already have four. My mother-in-law already told me to be done! And yet, I'm not ready to say there will never be another. Having babies is hard. It is hard to be pregnant. It is hard to raise kids. But sometimes the biggest blessings in life come from doing what is hard. I would say this applies to many things. Don't miss out on what God has for you because it's too hard!
Samuel Roland
November 27, 2018
2:03 am
8 lbs, 0 oz, 20 inches long
The details are a bit of a blur. The decision to be induced was made only the week before but had been mentioned at my 38 week appointment. There was concern that he would be a big baby and although logically I knew that I didn't need to be induced right away just because he might be big, there was the whole mental/emotional state I was in and I was so ready to just be done. So although I did not want to be induced, I guess you could say I just gave up at the time. I also felt more comfortable about it since I've had successful inductions before and it was only a couple of days before my technical due date.
It was Monday, November 26. The kids ended up with a snow day. I was scheduled to report to the hospital at 5:00 pm. I was planning to sneak in one last date while the kids were in school but then they ended up staying home. It was still a very nice and relaxing day. We took them out for breakfast and got things ready around the house. Brad took them sledding. We had a great day and they were so excited to get to sleep over at their friend's house. At 5:00 we arrived at the hospital. They were very quick to get the process going. This time I was induced with a medicine called Cytotec. This was different than my previous ones which were induced using Cervidil. I was given an IV for fluids and also an antibiotic since I tested positive for GBS. Around 6:30 or so I was given my first round of Cytotec out of a potential of three. I had been texting my friend, Anne who had offered to come as another support person for the birth. I invited her to come but said no pressure since I had no idea how this would go and she has a family of her own to take care of, but she decided to come. I think she arrived around 9 or so. Before that, Brad and I just watched TV and he graded some papers. Christmas movies were being played on one of the channels and I found that totally relaxing. I think I had maybe been having some irregular and unnoticeable contractions during that time but all about the same as before I even went into the hospital that night. Sometime around 10:00 pm they came to offer me the second dose of the Cytotec. I was only dilated to about 1-1 1/2 at that point but that's what I had been at for about a week anyway so I felt like this was going to be a much longer process. I had some fears thinking about this process going long or not working. Plus, every time they first administered the drug the babies heart rate would slow and they would start making me move different ways or put oxygen on my face. I was feeling like maybe I had made the wrong choice and was harming my baby.
After an hour of laying there we were back to normal. I was able to sit up. I had been asking if it would be possible for me to get up and move around a bit. They have you hooked up to so many things during an induction they don't really encourage it. It was a pain just getting up to use the bathroom! During this time I had noticed contractions picking up. They still didn't feel consistent to me and I was talking through them without a lot of effort. I would describe them as uncomfortable but not super painful. We finally got the nurse to agree to let me get up and move around the room a bit. They brought in a peanut shaped ball to let me sit on for a while. I'm guessing that was somewhere around midnight or a bit after. Contractions were more uncomfortable and I was talking less but they still felt manageable. I have previously had epidurals with all three births and I had said that I would like to go as long as I could without but in my head, I wasn't ruling out getting one. I didn't feel like I needed one yet and in my head I still had a long way to go. Somewhere around 1:00 am contractions were stronger. I was needing to breathe through them and they were fairly close together. At that point they said they wouldn't give me the third round of Cytotec yet. The nurse said they would wait another hour and see how my contractions were before administering another dose. She asked if I wanted to be checked but I think at that point I declined because I was more uncomfortable and really didn't want to be touched! In my head I still had a long way to go and was trying to hold out for the epidural so I didn't get it too early. By 1:30 I had said I was done with the ball. At that point I decided to stand up for a bit. I was in a lot of pain at that point and was holding onto Brad so I could remain standing. I couldn't decide what would be comfortable but I couldn't imagine sitting back in bed. After standing for a few minutes I felt like I needed to use the bathroom again. I remember making my way to the bathroom and outside the door I could hear the nurse say "well just let me know if she feels any pressure." In that moment it clicked in my head and I called out to say that I was indeed feeling pressure. Not to be too graphic, but I was sitting on the toilet thinking I really needed to pee but couldn't. At that point I remember Brad coming in and all of a sudden everyone trying to usher me back to bed. The nurse told me I did not want to have my baby on the toilet! I still didn't think we were to that point yet but the pain and pressure was super intense. I told them I didn't think I could walk because it was so painful. I basically held onto Brad as everyone tried to drag me along to the bed. The nurse said she wanted to check me. It was getting really intense at this point. I started saying things like "I can't do this" and "I need the epidural now!" I also kept saying "I just need a break!" The contractions felt constant at that point and the pressure was super intense. I still felt like I had to pee and all of my human instincts were telling me not to pee on the bed. As I sat on the bed I had about one brief moment of relief after saying I needed a break. That was kind of cool! Unfortunately it didn't last long. The nurse somewhere in there checked me and said I was at ten....we were ready! My mind was in two places. I couldn't believe we were to this point already because I thought I had so much farther to go. At the same time I could hear myself saying the things like "I can't do this" and realized that saying that could mean it's the end.
Brad and Anne were fabulous helpers. Each of them kept encouraging me all along the way. If they told me to do something I usually tried it because I knew I wanted to keep myself as calm as possible and I knew I needed to focus if this really was the end. Anne is great at anticipating the needs of others. She brought things like a small fan, which I wouldn't have thought of but came in handy! I got really hot all of a sudden. I had to take my socks off because I was so hot and everything was feeling tight. I got extremely thirsty. I kept asking for sips of water while also saying to keep the fan blowing on me! All of these people came rushing into the room and I started to panic. They had the nerve to tell me to try and wait until my doctor got there. In my head I was thinking, "Are you kidding me?" because the pressure was just so intense. All the nurses had a bit of a deer in the headlights look as they backed away. Apparently, no one wanted to catch the baby if he did come out before a doctor arrived. At some point during the chaos, a doctor on call came in to do the "work." (And I now owe him $1300 for his 15 minutes of "work") I think I had my eyes closed the whole time. I was really trying to focus and relax but all I felt was pain and panic. I remember pushing with all three of my other kids but this time I felt like the baby was just coming on his own. At one point the doctor was telling me to stop pushing (again, are you freaking kidding me??) and I finally yelled "I can't!" His response in kind of a jerk tone "well, then you're gonna tear." So fine, I did my best to stop. And then after a moment I think I was able to focus in on one more push and I think that was the point they got him out. During the whole thing I kept telling people I couldn't breathe. I really couldn't. I felt like I was going to die or at least pass out. It was such a relief when he was finally out but it took me a little bit to be able to focus in on what was happening. I felt them put the baby on me and I could only barely open my eyes to see him. It was 2:03 am. After a little bit they took him off of me and I realized they were working on him a little. I thought I heard him make some noise but realized I hadn't actually heard a cry. I kept asking if he was ok and everyone was assuring me he was, he just needed a little help. Before long the pediatrician came over and told me they were taking him to the nursery just to monitor him for a while. Brad went directly with them. I felt like I couldn't move. I began shaking pretty bad and got really cold but they were pumping tons of fluid in me at the time. I felt like it took me a while to recover.
Things I didn't really know until the chaos was over. Apparently it was quite a sight when he came out. My water never broke and my amniotic sac was the first thing to come out. I guess it's pretty rare for babies to be born in the sac, probably because doctors do a lot of breaking the water. It seems like they pretty quickly began to get him out of it so I don't know how long he was in there. Unfortunately it was too chaotic to get any pictures and I was holding my support team hostage the whole time anyway! Brad said it looked like I first gave birth to a bubble and then all of a sudden there was a baby's head in it.
The baby also had the cord wrapped around his neck. When they put him on me they said he wasn't breathing. I totally missed that. They used the big oxygen mask on him for a bit at first and he finally had some labored breathing. At that point they whisked him to the nursery and hooked him up to oxygen and put monitors on him. Brad sent a video of him to me and for the first time I got a real look at my newest son. I was sad to see him all hooked up to everything but I felt relieved that I was already so in love with him.
I think probably an hour had passed since his birth when I looked up and saw the TV was still on. We had only muted it earlier. Playing during his birth was the movie "White Christmas." This actually made me very happy because of my love of Christmas movies and especially that one! The nurses came in and I was able to get cleaned up and have them take me to the nursery. At that point, Anne left (what a friend to have stayed that long!) and Brad was already down in the nursery. I felt relief when I saw him. By then he was very stable and breathing was calm. I could see he was already mouthing and I knew that was a good sign. Since he was all hooked up though they encouraged me to pump since I couldn't nurse right away. Then as we sat a little longer we kept at them that he was looking good and that we wanted to hold him. They finally agreed to some skin to skin contact since he was doing so much better. The second I got him on me he was already looking to nurse! It wasn't too much longer after that all three of us got to go back to our room.
The whole thing is still a blur to me in many ways. It was unlike any birth experience I've had. My other two inductions were pretty quick but not like that. I had always wondered if I would be able to have a birth without the pain relief. I wondered what it would be like. I'm still not entirely sure which one I like better! I have no way of knowing if the birth would have been that intense without the induction. I feel like this one was good over all but still a little traumatic! It was really only 20 to 30 minutes of the crazy intensity or pain and pressure but I felt so out of control during that short time.
Would I do it again? Well, immediately after he was born I announced that I was never doing that again! Now that it's been a few weeks I still don't know if I have that "I'm done" feeling. It doesn't necessarily mean that I want more but I don't know yet where we stand. That probably sounds crazy to most people. The world would tell me I need to be done having children. I'm 37, I already have four. My mother-in-law already told me to be done! And yet, I'm not ready to say there will never be another. Having babies is hard. It is hard to be pregnant. It is hard to raise kids. But sometimes the biggest blessings in life come from doing what is hard. I would say this applies to many things. Don't miss out on what God has for you because it's too hard!
Samuel Roland
November 27, 2018
2:03 am
8 lbs, 0 oz, 20 inches long
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