Mason is now 5 weeks old. We haven't had his one month check yet but that's coming soon. Brad has been back to work for more than 2 weeks now and the meal train has stopped. We are officially a family of 5 on our own! So how are things going? Why of course, completely overwhelming!
Sure some days are better than others. I consider it pure victory on the days when I can get both Caleb and Mason to nap at the same time with Mason sleeping in his crib! Those days are not often. He is still in the newborn stage of wanting to be held. He still does the basic newborn routine of eat, sleep, poop and cry. If he is not eating or sleeping he is crying most of the time. We are starting to have a little awake time without the crying but usually that just leads to complete over stimulation and more crying!
I don't mean to complain or whine but this is our life right now and I don't want to sugar coat it. We are in complete survival mode. The one thing that gets me through is knowing that life won't be like this forever. I try to rid myself of the "mommy guilt" when I am constantly barking out "STOP THAT" to my older children or sending them to another room so they will leave me alone. I love my kids but right now I seem to have no patience for them. I just want them to stop asking me questions or demanding I get them something. Caleb is still trying to get attention any way he knows how. He challenges everything we say, demands we get things for him or do things for him "right now", wants to snuggle or read books at the most inconvenient times and most recently has been having potty accidents. Micah is gone all day only to come home at the worst time of day. He tries to be "the good child" and rarely talks back or disobeys. He constantly tries to smooth things over for Caleb. It's all heart breaking really. I just can't be the mother they deserve right now and that's the truth. I do my best to fit in time with them each day and try to be patient with Caleb. All of this while my little baby demands all of me!
My husband comes home from work for about an hour on the 2 evenings he works his second job and tries to be as helpful as he can. There just isn't much time on those nights though. On the nights he does not work he gets home and does chores for me, gives the boys a bath and helps with Mason. It feels like we have no free time in the evening. He even helps in the middle of the night still sometimes. But even with the help he gives by the time I have any moment of quiet I just want to stare at the TV or something meaningless like that instead of catching up on the chores or even catching up on my sleep.
I feel bad for Mason because it seems like I am constantly putting him in his car seat. I miss the days of just being able to stay home with my baby. It seems like we always have somewhere to go even if it's just a short drive. He screams every time we put him in.
I hope it's ok to vent like this. I really don't want to hear comments like "well you're the one who wanted 3 kids". Yes, I wanted them. All of them. Each one was planned. That doesn't mean it's not hard sometimes. I am still hopeful that one day we will have more of a schedule and that Mason will actually do more than just cry! I do not consider him to be a "bad baby" or a "good baby". He's just a baby. I'm pretty sure I had a harder time with Caleb when he was this little but at that time I seemed to have more patience and only one other child and we didn't have to go places all the time! I hope that one day soon I can write a report of relief instead of stress. Until then, I will probably vent from time to time and maybe even cry out for help! I will also try to soak up as many of the good moments as I can!
Sure some days are better than others. I consider it pure victory on the days when I can get both Caleb and Mason to nap at the same time with Mason sleeping in his crib! Those days are not often. He is still in the newborn stage of wanting to be held. He still does the basic newborn routine of eat, sleep, poop and cry. If he is not eating or sleeping he is crying most of the time. We are starting to have a little awake time without the crying but usually that just leads to complete over stimulation and more crying!
I don't mean to complain or whine but this is our life right now and I don't want to sugar coat it. We are in complete survival mode. The one thing that gets me through is knowing that life won't be like this forever. I try to rid myself of the "mommy guilt" when I am constantly barking out "STOP THAT" to my older children or sending them to another room so they will leave me alone. I love my kids but right now I seem to have no patience for them. I just want them to stop asking me questions or demanding I get them something. Caleb is still trying to get attention any way he knows how. He challenges everything we say, demands we get things for him or do things for him "right now", wants to snuggle or read books at the most inconvenient times and most recently has been having potty accidents. Micah is gone all day only to come home at the worst time of day. He tries to be "the good child" and rarely talks back or disobeys. He constantly tries to smooth things over for Caleb. It's all heart breaking really. I just can't be the mother they deserve right now and that's the truth. I do my best to fit in time with them each day and try to be patient with Caleb. All of this while my little baby demands all of me!
My husband comes home from work for about an hour on the 2 evenings he works his second job and tries to be as helpful as he can. There just isn't much time on those nights though. On the nights he does not work he gets home and does chores for me, gives the boys a bath and helps with Mason. It feels like we have no free time in the evening. He even helps in the middle of the night still sometimes. But even with the help he gives by the time I have any moment of quiet I just want to stare at the TV or something meaningless like that instead of catching up on the chores or even catching up on my sleep.
I feel bad for Mason because it seems like I am constantly putting him in his car seat. I miss the days of just being able to stay home with my baby. It seems like we always have somewhere to go even if it's just a short drive. He screams every time we put him in.
I hope it's ok to vent like this. I really don't want to hear comments like "well you're the one who wanted 3 kids". Yes, I wanted them. All of them. Each one was planned. That doesn't mean it's not hard sometimes. I am still hopeful that one day we will have more of a schedule and that Mason will actually do more than just cry! I do not consider him to be a "bad baby" or a "good baby". He's just a baby. I'm pretty sure I had a harder time with Caleb when he was this little but at that time I seemed to have more patience and only one other child and we didn't have to go places all the time! I hope that one day soon I can write a report of relief instead of stress. Until then, I will probably vent from time to time and maybe even cry out for help! I will also try to soak up as many of the good moments as I can!
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