I haven't written a pregnancy update post for a while. Partly because there hasn't been much to update. I'm not 28 weeks and so far everything is pretty normal. I don't seem to crave anything specific and I'm now to the point where I really can't eat much at one time anyway. I sleep alright. I'm getting more tired and am usually slightly uncomfortable in the night but I haven't had much insomnia so that is nice. In general, I don't feel that well. I get light headed very easily and just don't feel good most of the time. It's not bad enough to keep me from doing things but I do seem to move much slower!
The other reason I haven't update much on pregnancy is just that I have not been that excited about it. That might sound horrible to say out loud. At 18 weeks we had our ultrasound and were told that we were expecting our 3rd boy. Obviously we knew that could happen and yes, we did plan this pregnancy but for some reason the news came as a bit of a blow to me. I love my boys and wouldn't change anything about them but I had hoped for a daughter. I'm not sure if this will be our last child or not but for some reason it has hit me harder that I may never have that. I have spent time feeling the loss of something that may never be. Now I'm trying to get excited about what's to come. Another boy. I'm sure he'll be beautiful. I'm sure he'll be loved. It's just been hard to really get excited when I'm busy focusing on the other two most of the time and because it doesn't feel like there is much to get ready for. We don't really need anything. It's sort of a been there done that feeling. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about the transition to having 3 kids in general anyway!
I have hesitated to share these feelings. For some it may seem insensitive. There are many I know who are grateful just to have a child. Feelings are feelings though. You have to deal with them. With each pregnancy I've looked for ways to bond with the baby before he arrives. That seems important to me. That is why I always like to know the gender. I like to plan and dream, pick out clothes and of course a name! We didn't have any names picked out for the other 2 boys ahead of time. Once we knew they were in face boys we started thinking. It didn't feel like it took too long to find the right name though. Each time one would just click. So far, this child has no name. There are lots of nice names out there but I don't feel like I've found the one just yet.
Since I've had some trouble getting excited and feeling like I'm bonding with this baby I started to think it was time to try something new. I've never been one who needed a 3D ultrasound and I felt a little silly paying for one but we decided to go for it. Today we had our appointment so that I could get a better glimpse of my baby (and hopefully a gender confirmation). The appointment was quick and I'm still not sure how I feel about it but there were lots of positives. We took the boys with us because they are always asking questions and getting excited about the baby. They really loved it. Even as they went to bed tonight they talked about how cool it was to see the baby in mommy's tummy. Caleb was a little disappointed that the baby didn't come out yet but each kid got their own picture of their little brother! It was very sweet. I was a little disappointed that a gender shot did not happen. The baby was all scrunched up and seems slightly annoyed that we were trying to take his picture. It was kind of like he was saying "I'm trying to sleep mom." It was still nice to get to see him and take a few pictures home! Still not sure how I feel but hopefully over the next couple of months, baby will have a name and we will be feeling the excitement!
The other reason I haven't update much on pregnancy is just that I have not been that excited about it. That might sound horrible to say out loud. At 18 weeks we had our ultrasound and were told that we were expecting our 3rd boy. Obviously we knew that could happen and yes, we did plan this pregnancy but for some reason the news came as a bit of a blow to me. I love my boys and wouldn't change anything about them but I had hoped for a daughter. I'm not sure if this will be our last child or not but for some reason it has hit me harder that I may never have that. I have spent time feeling the loss of something that may never be. Now I'm trying to get excited about what's to come. Another boy. I'm sure he'll be beautiful. I'm sure he'll be loved. It's just been hard to really get excited when I'm busy focusing on the other two most of the time and because it doesn't feel like there is much to get ready for. We don't really need anything. It's sort of a been there done that feeling. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about the transition to having 3 kids in general anyway!
I have hesitated to share these feelings. For some it may seem insensitive. There are many I know who are grateful just to have a child. Feelings are feelings though. You have to deal with them. With each pregnancy I've looked for ways to bond with the baby before he arrives. That seems important to me. That is why I always like to know the gender. I like to plan and dream, pick out clothes and of course a name! We didn't have any names picked out for the other 2 boys ahead of time. Once we knew they were in face boys we started thinking. It didn't feel like it took too long to find the right name though. Each time one would just click. So far, this child has no name. There are lots of nice names out there but I don't feel like I've found the one just yet.
Since I've had some trouble getting excited and feeling like I'm bonding with this baby I started to think it was time to try something new. I've never been one who needed a 3D ultrasound and I felt a little silly paying for one but we decided to go for it. Today we had our appointment so that I could get a better glimpse of my baby (and hopefully a gender confirmation). The appointment was quick and I'm still not sure how I feel about it but there were lots of positives. We took the boys with us because they are always asking questions and getting excited about the baby. They really loved it. Even as they went to bed tonight they talked about how cool it was to see the baby in mommy's tummy. Caleb was a little disappointed that the baby didn't come out yet but each kid got their own picture of their little brother! It was very sweet. I was a little disappointed that a gender shot did not happen. The baby was all scrunched up and seems slightly annoyed that we were trying to take his picture. It was kind of like he was saying "I'm trying to sleep mom." It was still nice to get to see him and take a few pictures home! Still not sure how I feel but hopefully over the next couple of months, baby will have a name and we will be feeling the excitement!
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